ZVM’s Indian Undercurrent

Hat Tip: Chandra Kant. Remember to read loudly with a Punjabi Accent!
P’njaab Airways : IN-FLIGHT ANNOUNCEMENT

Thank you once again for flying P’njaab Airways.

Hat Tip: the Tzar.

Read Russell Peters Interview on CBC first. Some interesting facts:

• Peters was a comedian for 16 years (yes sixteen!) before he was “discovered”
• The discovery was helped by a fan who decided to circulate a video on the internet (yes - the famous one with ,”tap some bong”, !xobile, “beat your kids white people” and others)
• His exponential rise to fame was only in the last two years, as Peters himself puts it in the interview (”I dont know what happenned, why was I known in the last two and why not in the last 16″) seems mysterious.

Some of this can be answered by applying the concepts outlined in “Tipping Point” by Malcolm Gladwell.

“Things can happen all at once, and little changes can make a huge difference.”

Partly because of the reach and cheap distribution power of the internet, we have a relatively obscure comedian for 14 years, today headlining with the likes of Jon Stewart, Bill Maher and others in Las Vegas - all because of one kid who decided to make it available for free!

I dont think Russell Peters himself understood the concept of making your work known as widely as possible and for free; in one standup event in NY he comes on stage where the audience starts to holler “Tap some bong! Tap some bong!” - Russell retorts “You downloading bastards!” - the same who are responsible for the groundswell of support that catpulted him to the top today.

So for the comedians who are trying to make it big today, do NOT underestimate the power of the internet. The intersection of media and the web is still in chapter 1 and will go a long way before we see the end of it.

ACDC         - Currentu Byattree
Aha          - Oho
All Saints   -      Yella Saadhugale
Audio Slave  -         Dhvani Gulaama
BabyFace   -         MaguMaka
Back Street Boys   -    Hind beedhi huduguru
Bad Boys Blue  -          Neeli Poli huduguru
Bad Company    -         Kettu Kharkane
Baker Street    -       Iyengar Raste
Bananarama     -     Devuru Baalehannu
Billy Idol     -     Bekkina Vigraha
Black crowes   -      Kappu Kaagigalu
Black Sabbath   -     Kari Sabbakki bathu
Blind Melon     -      Kurudu Kalangri
Chemical Brothers  -     Rasayane sodharegalu
ColdPlay         -  ChaliAta
Collective Soul -         Atma Chow Chow
Color me badd      -      Kettudage banna haki
counting Crows  -        Enuso kaagigalu
Creed          -        Vichara
Culture Club    -         Samskaradha Ispet Kendra
Cutting Crew    -       Hajam Nan makalu
Deep Blue Something  -  Aallla Neeli eno
Def Leppard         -  Kivdu Chirute
Dire Straits         -  Sakkath Ayomaya
Duran Duran          -  Maadu Ood-dha Maadu Ood-dha
Eagles         -           Garuda
Everything but the Girl  -    Figar bittu bere yalla
Faith Hill               -  Nambike Betta
Faster Pussycat    -        Bega bekku
Fine Young Cannibals    -      Valle yuva nara-bakshakaru
FireHouse               -     Benkimane
Fools Garden   -                  Huchura udhyanavana
FourPlay    -                Nalaku Jana Aadodhu
Garbage    -             Kachada
Gipsy Kings -                Lambadi Raja
Go West     -          Paschima Hogi
GodSmack       -           Devuru Kapala
Goo goo dolls         -     gugoo (peddu) gombegalu
Grateful Dead      -        Aabhari Sattavaru
Greenday       -        Hasuru Dhina
HoobaStank     -           Yarappa bittidhu?
INXS            -      Solpa Jaasthi Aithu
Iron Maiden      -       Kabna-dha Kanya
Journey             -   Prayana
Kansas               -    Krishnan maavan-dhu
Linkin Park  -               Jodso Udyana
Little River Band   -            Chikka Nadhi Baaja
Lou bega         -      Ousara
Matchbox 20     -           Benkipatna ippathu
Maxi Priest    -            Langa-ony Poojari
Meat Loaf        -        Mamsada thundu
MegaDeth      -          Vishaala-Saavu
Metallica       -           Kabna-nekkan-a?
Modern Talking   -              Aadunika Maathu
Moody Blues       -      Neeli Feelingu
Naughty by Nature  -             Modhlinda Thunturu
NickelBack          -   Childre vapas
No Doubt        -      Anumanane illa
Noble Savages    -         Punyathma baddi makalu
Papa Roach        -      Jirle appa
Pearl Jam          -      Mutthina Gojju
Pet Shop Boys   -          Saakuva Praani Angadi Huduguru
PM Dawn          -      Sandhye-ne Bellagge
Radio Head        -       Aakasha Vani Thale
Rainbow         -     Indradhanusu
Red Hot Chilli Peppers   - Bisi Bisi Kempu Menasinkai   galu
Red Nex        -     Kempu Kathu
Roxette         -    Yella Thara Kallu
Rush       -     Bega
Salt N Pepa -           Uppu Kara
Seal         -     Mucchu
Shaggy        -    JataksRaja
Simply Red  -        Sumne Kempu
six pence none the richer  -        aaru kaasu astay saaku
Smashing Pumpkins          -    Vadadhuhogthairo Kumblekaigalu
Smashmouth        -     Moothi vadee
Snoop Doggy Dogg   -          Thika-nai-mari
Soul Asylum         -  Atma ke Lodge
Spice Girls          -   Sambhara Hudigiru
StarShip           -Nakshatradha Dhoni
Stone Temple Pilots   - Kallidha Devasthanada Pushpaka chalakaru

If you’re still wearing your Britney Spears T-shirts, blasting bubble gum pop in your shiny Honda Civic, cruising down the freeway thinking you’re the epitome of coolness, I have a newsflash for ya. ‘Cool’ changed its definition and sadly didn’t inform you.  So here I am, enlightening you about the latest musical trends of the Bay Area, because gone are the days of the Backstreet Boys, and lip-syncing blondes. Heck, even 50 Cent got shuffled out the door. We have something far worse now, something that’ll give you another reason to frown upon my generation – The Hyphy movement. The original, made-in-the-Bay, hip-hop culture that takes Rap and hip-hop to a whole new level of obscenity. So of course, as teenagers, we just had to have the Hyphy, be the new ‘cool’ thing.

Now some of you might be familiar with the Hyphy movement. “ Ho-hum, Janu, that’s so yesterday.”  You’ll tell me. But this is for the others, the tie-wearing, office-going, morally upstanding people amongst us,  who are entirely clueless that the Bay Area has now been officially renamed  the Yay Area.

 

So what’s the Hyphy?

Its nothing new. It’s a longstanding, evolving culture of the Bay Area that wasn’t much in the limelight until early 2000. It began as a response from Bay Area rappers against commercial hip hop for not acknowledging the Bay for establishing trends in the hip hop industry. Much of the Hyphy slang was invented by MacDre, but the movement gained popularity because of  E-40 from our very own Danville.

So what getting Hyphy basically is, is dancing in a ridiculous and overstated manner, often after a lot of substance abuse, to put it mildly. The term was coined by the Bay Area Rapper ‘Keak da Sneak’ (yes, its an actual name). Other synonyms for Hyphy: acting “Retarded”, “Riding The Yellow Bus”, “Going Stupid” or “Going Dumb”.

This music endorses heavy usage of possibly every drug available on streets, alcohol, marijuana, dancing and wild partying, more so than Rap culture. And we all know how vile Rap culture is. Just when you think it couldn’t get worse, it does.

 

Here’s the general slang. The words you’re most likely to hear.

 

“18 Dummy” – popular song. It means getting dumb by drinking Jose Cuervo tequila. Its also known as Dummy Juice.

 

“Ghostride the whip” -  Ever heard of ghostridin’ the whip? So what it is, is that the driver walks along slow-rolling car with the door open, so it looks as though the car is driving itself. Sometimes just for the hell of it, the passengers leap out of the moving cars, and sit on the car hood.

 

“Going or getting dumb/stupid/ignorant/retarded/brain-dead/hyphy/yellow bus” – This is the meat. You must VOLUNTARILY degrade your mental capabilities to that of a hamster. THAT is cool. To be truly ‘cool’, you must have a good time ‘while ignoring society’s negative opinion of “uncivilized” behavior’

 

“Hyphy train” - A wild, mobile party with a long line of cars, everyone ghostridin’, dancing on the hood and roof, and otherwise getting hyphy.

“Crunk” – Crazy + Drunk = Crunk.

 

“Stunna shades” – My favorite. So what these are, are oversized dark glasses that are the ultimate bling. They aren’t just ANY shades, they are the ‘stunna’s. Its part of the get up: you wear humongous white T-shirts, jeans baggy enough to house a nuclear family, and then the Stunna shades.

 

Yadadameen/Yadadamsayin?” – You know what I’m saying?

 

That’s only the tip of the iceberg. There’s more. Its shocking. Even I’m shocked.

 

 So now you’re wondering, why on earth would any self-respecting person ever even consider getting Hyphy, to becoming the intellectual equivalent of a doorknob.

I wish I could answer that. Even as an official badge-holding member of the Teenage Cult, I am as baffled as you are. I’d agree with you if you said that my generation is morally depraved. You’d be very well justified to frown reproachfully at the next suspicious looking teenager who passed you. We redefined coolness in the most hideous way. We’ve lowered the bar even more. We’re listening to music that most sane people would consider utter nonsense. And sadly, we are proud of this.

 

But now you know what to do, if your son or daughter suddenly turns up in gigantic glasses and tent-sized clothes, and  says, “ Hey Parental Units, I am notifying you thus that I will ghostridin’ the whip outside with my delightful companions.”

 

You ground them, till they reach a mature age of, say, 40.

Yadadameen?

Hat tip to Bharath A.

Robert Lingam I.P.S (Vijayakanth) visits Madurai to deliver a lecture in college about public safety. The head pujari of Meenakshi temple is murdered. He was stabbed to death, but before dying he lies down in the robotic break dance position next to a shiva lingam, the message clearly being “call robert lingam”. He had also smashed the breasts of a goddess statue and hung a bell with a chain from her hip. Also clutched in his hand is the Congress party manifesto with the 49% reservation for OBCs underlined with his blood.  

Pujari’s grand daughter Mahalakshmi (Sneha) had just returned from USA with a degree in cryptology, symbology, singing and group-dance. She cuts short her weekend trip to Chennai and returns to Madurai upon the murder.

 

She meets Commissioner Lingam at the murder site and together embarkto solve the murder and in the process “witness the biggest cover up in Hindu history”. “My ‘Thaatha’ used to insist that me and my brother play hide and seek inside the temple”, said Mahalakshmi.

 

“Why the congress manifesto? Why the underlining on the reservation part? Was your thaatha going to lose his job as head-priest to an OBC candidate?”,puzzled look on Lingam’s face with knit eyebrows.”Thaatha always said reservation was plain bull shit”

 

“What?”

 

“Bull shit - very rarely he used english but whenever this topic used tocome up, he wud use that term”Lingam’s eyes lit up. “That’s the clue…yes, bull shit, oh Rama how did i miss that”, excited he clutches Mahalakshmi’s wrist as they bolt out of the murder scene.
“Where is the biggest Nandi bull statue in this temple complex?”

 

“by the east gate”

 

“Let’s go”……………..

 

Lingam put his hand into the orifice which was the asshole of the
Nandi bull statue. His fingers felt the cold touch of an ancient palm leaf. Pulling it out Lingam attempted to read under the flickering light of the solitary lamp post nearby.neatly written in outdated tamil script were the lines,

 

“Kai Anchu, Vaai Nooru Periya bookukule oru chinna book”
“Ah”, Lingam sighed.
“What does it mean?”
“I have heard both these lines before…but in a very different context”
Lingam looked skywards for some divine intervention to help him solve this new clue. Towering into the skyline in front of him as dawn was breaking,was the tall gopuram of the temple. Quickly turning around, a smile danced on Lingam’s lips as his sight fell on all the five towers. “The five towers, phallic symbols…the five Pandava brothers, We need to get to a library,I need to see the original copy of the Kama sutra”, “this early in the morning?” asked Mahalakshmi as they hurried towards Lingam’s jeep.

 

As they jeep hurtled towards the town library, Lingam explained, ”
Few temples in India are famous for their erotic art and architecture.
The kings built those to encourage population growth. For centuries, there has been rumours of a secret society that guarded a secret behind such art and symbols, a secret so powerful that if revealed would shake the very foundations of conservative culture.”

 

COMING SOON TO A SCREEN NEAR YOU….

WITNESS THE GREATEST COVER UP IN HINDU HISTORY
A SECRET SO DEVASTATING THAT IF REVEALED COULD LEAD TO EVEN MORE CATACLYSMIC POPULATION EXPLOSION…..
WAS THE MOST NOTORIOUS PIECE OF INDIAN LITERATURE ORIGINALLY PART OF THE GREATEST EPIC POEM EVER WRITTEN?
WERE THE MEN AND WOMEN OF THE KAMASUTRA  THE SAME GODS AND GODDESSES GLORIFIED IN ANCIENT TEXTS?
CONTINUING WITH THE MODERN INDIAN TRADITION OF BLATANTLY APING THE WEST….
A.M.RATNAM PRESENTS
CAPTAIN in

THE DA MACHI CODE

‘SO CORNY A DARK MAN’

PONGAL 2007

AT THEATRES WORLDWIDE

The natural law rules here!